True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
