coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
