if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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