Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize