in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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