last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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