if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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