I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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