i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
