took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
