If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
