im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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