mondays should just be called national damage control day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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