One girl and one boy is just not enough.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
