My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
