Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
