i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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