After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
