Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
