i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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