It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
soo... how was my night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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