You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
