ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
