we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
