Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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