So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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