was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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