So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize