I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
