thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
