you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
