I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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