"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
