dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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