Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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