I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
