Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
