so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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