Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
