U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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