You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
