Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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