She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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