My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
a search helicopter?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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