just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
