my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
