How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Your face is a jimmy john
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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