I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
