Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The air was thick with penises
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
