I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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