Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
