Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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