i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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