Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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