I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize