Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just gift wrapped bread.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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