I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
