and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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