Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
