Heybabeimwearingurpanties
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
