his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
