I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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