Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Send help, water and tortillas.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
