I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
