You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
