...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
