I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
