We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
