my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
