escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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