you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
