when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
