My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
