We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
