Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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