Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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