just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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