Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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