All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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