that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
