I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
