My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I FOUND THE LEGS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
