also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
