hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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