I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
