And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Panties = found
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
