You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize