I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
