there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
