he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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