fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
