What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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