so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
