Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
