wrigley field is MILF paradise
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
