OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
