his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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