South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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